Is somebody hurting you or are you feeling hurt?

Photo by Luis Galvez on Unsplash

Today I read a post from a lady on one of the social media sites; she felt somebody was hurting her more when she was hurt anyway. She despised that person and wanted to “get back at them”. When we are feeling low, we are more sensitive and notice more when somebody hurts our feelings.

What should we do then when we feel that somebody is hurting our feelings?

First of all, we have to sit back and find out whether they are actually doing so. It is not as easy as you think. Sometimes the other person is genuinely helpful and says something that we feel offended by. So we must examine the situation with a third eye.

If they want to hurt us, we can ask whether it is worth taking it on or we should just let the incident go. Was it intentional, unintentional or could it be a possible misunderstanding? You’d better answer these questions before ruining a relationship. Also, by contemplating the situation for a second, you can avoid lashing out and furthering the problem.   

You can ask the person why they said those things to you.

You can tell them if you feel uncomfortable or hurt by their words but stick to your perspective. If the incident was unintentional, it’s an excellent start to recover the relationship.

If it was an argument about something, you could show acceptance. Others are entitled to their own thoughts and opinions (without hurting you).

Be the better person and apologise if you played a part in the situation. 

Think about the situation! Is it something that happened before? Is your response triggered by a past event? Is the other person really hurting you, or are your feelings hurt because they are triggered by a similar situation? 

If you still feel that they deliberately wanted to hurt you, you have the right to get away from the situation.

You live once. Surround yourself with people who actually care about you. 

If you really want to “get back at them”, you can do it by loving yourself more. There is no need for revenge, there is no need to focus on your life’s negative experiences. They last for a second, then they belong to the past. 

Remember, you are in charge of your attitude and response.

You have a choice to accept, walk away, forgive and love. If you choose to stick in pain, you miss the opportunity to live a happy and carefree life. 

Andrea Szentgyorgyi

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