Self-esteem is the overall sense of self-worth or personal value. It refers to how much you like yourself and your beliefs about yourself, including your appearance, beliefs, emotions, behaviours and worth. Self-esteem is often described as a personality trait that you identify with.
Photo by J. Earle
What shapes your self-esteem?
Many factors influence self-esteem, such as genetics, life experiences, childhood and social circumstances, personality, age, health, a sudden change in your situation, thoughts, reaction to others and comparing yourself with others.
Why is self-esteem important?
Your beliefs about yourself can be a sense of worthiness or unworthiness. This thought heavily influences your choices and decisions, it serves a motivational function to respect, take care of yourself and explore your full potential.
If you have high self-esteem, you are more likely to be motivated to fulfil your personal goals and feel successful in your life because you navigate life with a positive, ‘can do’ attitude and believe you can accomplish anything you want.
If you have low self-esteem, you might feel unworthy or incapable of achieving well. Your thoughts of yourself are sabotaging your happiness.
You have healthy self-esteem if you are likely to:
- Avoid dwelling on past, negative experiences
- Express your needs
- Feel confident
- Have a positive outlook on life
- Say “no” when you want to
- See overall strengths and weaknesses and accept them
You may need to work on your self-esteem if you often experience some common problems caused by low self-esteem:
- You feel that others are better than you
- It is difficult to express your needs
- You think you have many weaknesses, and hardly any strengths
- Your weaknesses define you
- You often feel shame, depression or anxiety
- You tend to have a negative outlook on life
- You predict failure and have a fear of failure
- You have trouble accepting positive feedback
- You can’t say “no”
- You always put other people’s needs before your own
- You have low self-confidence and self-respect
Why is it important to work on your self-esteem?
With a lack of self-esteem, self-worth or self-respect, you are sabotaging your own success; your thoughts might affect your behaviour and lifestyle negatively. If you have no or very low self-respect, it leads to feeling defeated or depressed, making bad choices, falling into destructive habits or relationships, and you might not live your life to your full potential.
How can therapy help you with self-esteem?
Self-esteem is not fixed. Discovering your cognitive processes, your thoughts behind your emotions is a starting point to change your beliefs. During therapy, we challenge your negative thinking and start building up a healthier, more realistic view.
As your thoughts about your self-worth start to change, your emotions and your behaviour will follow. If you start valuing yourself, your attitude changes to a more positive, more success-orientated one and soon your behaviour (and often appearance) changes with it.
We can use talking therapy mixed with CBT and hypnosis (if you wish) to build up a healthier view of yourself. Therapy gives you an opportunity and time to observe a disturbing or self-deprecating thought and where it comes from. Soon you realise that these former thoughts have less and less power over you and soon you find your highly critical inner voice diminishing.
Andrea Szentgyorgyi PGDip MNSTT
Click here to book a therapy session for self-esteem
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